Even Meghan Markle has had Poop In Her Hand

My life into motherhood started like most of you mothers out there, crouching over the toilet trying not to pee on my hand. I had this picture in my head growing up where all the pieces would just fit. I had always felt I was meant to be a mom so I figured I somewhat knew of the world I was being introduced to but the truth is I had no idea. I always heard that motherhood could be isolating so when I first found out I was pregnant I was mentally prepared for that. However, I naively expected that loneliness to come after the pregnancy when the baby was out.

I put a little onesie and the positive pregnancy test in a box and gave it to to my husband to tell him he was going to be a Dad. Does anyone else think its unfair that men can find out in such cool ways and we have to find out by peeing!?

I was sooo naïve before that positive sign. I distinctly remember thinking I was going to be the fun pregnant lady, “It’s just like being DD it will be fine.” Then came the first big event as a pregnant lady, it was a friend’s wedding and my husband was having the time of his life. Although I was so happy for my friends, I remember looking at my husband and feeling so far away and so isolated. Here I was carrying this life and my whole world had changed in an instant. I was no longer worrying about my next glass of wine with my girlfriends (I am a big wine guy if you didn’t know). I was whole heartedly already in the thick of motherhood and was a full-on worry wart (sorry mom I realize now where all that came from). I would worry about whether I would miscarry, whether the baby was kicking enough or whether something would be wrong when the baby came out. It was a full-time job of just worrying, wishing, and praying that everything would be ok. But to me it had seemed that nothing had changed for my husband that it hadn’t fully set in that he was a father and I remember being so envious. How fair is this!? I carry the baby, I birth the baby, I breastfeed for however many months and what does he give up?? Now don’t get me wrong my husband was amazing while I was pregnant and still is, he constantly made sure I was ok. If you could give a grade for husbands during pregnancy, he would definitely have got an A+. But even with his support I still felt isolated and alone and instead of expressing my worries of the changes to come and the relationships that hung in the balance I kept them in and tried to keep up the façade that everything was ok.

Flash forward to a family camping trip that we annually attend and I am sitting with my mom on her bed crying and telling her how alone I feel, how I feel like all my friends are going to cut me off because I am going to be different and because I had already changed. After unloading all my concerns my sweet mother smiled and said the five words I needed to hear, “I felt the same way”. It turns out my mother felt the exact same way! All of the things I was feeling and the way I was changing she felt those things. All the sudden my view shifted and I didn’t feel as alone and I didn’t feel wrong or bad for feeling all the things I was feeling. As I’ve navigated through motherhood so far, I have had many more moments like this with my mom and other amazing mothers around me and I thought why aren’t we talking about this more!?

I feel like as women and mothers we have this pressure to make it seem like we have everything together like we never stumble or question ourselves. We only admit our adversities if others around us admit the same. I am so guilty of this. In the first weeks of motherhood I was offered so much help from so many people but I was so stubborn and wanted to prove that I could do it by myself and where did that get me!? Nowhere!!

Our first family photo

This is why I have decided to start a blog. I want to open up dialogue with my fellow mothers and I hope that when they read these, they have moments where they can say “Oh my gosh I felt that way too!” It’s an outlet for me to vent and share my experiences and hopefully find some others that understand or feel where I am coming from. A place where motherhood is not going to be held to a high standard of rainbows and butterflies, because let’s be honest even Meghan Markle has had poop in her hand. My plan is to post something once a week but please have some grace for me because it may not always happen, especially since my little one is only growing and becoming busier than ever. So, if you want to follow my experience and hear my trials and tribulations as I continue on the wild ride that is motherhood than please do and share your experiences because I would love to hear them!

Bye for now,

From one wild mother to another